Now that I can take a break from latex-ing, I actually miss the process of correcting and typing my thesis. Haha. It was something I had been doing almost everyday for the past few weeks and I've already gotten used to it. So when I've to do things which differ from the routine, I'm not used to it.

Seriously, there're a lot of work to catch up on. For instance, I've not yet figured out the stuff on subdivision, not say generate a report out of it. I have not read my approximation lecture notes for at least two weeks, though surprisingly, I still managed to do the tutorial. Haha, this shows its relevance to the lecture materials. And of course, for PDE, I realize I don't appreciate it as much as I appreciated ODE last time. ODE was one of the few math courses which made me feel that I've actually matured in mathematics. It wasn't one of those modules which I obtained my grade by smoking my way through. There were lots of calculations, but at the same time, the proofs were rather demanding as well. I remember the days when I went to look for Chua for consultation every two weeks or so. But at the end of it, I felt I've benefited from it all. It was a hard time, I admit, but at least, I felt I've learnt something.

PDE is just the opposite.

Most students don't like teachers who are demanding. Haha. I think my students gonna hate me next time. Though the teachers I like are of great variance, but those whom I most respect are the demanding ones. Of course, they must be willing to help when I approach them. To me, it is not enough for a teacher just to make the lessons enjoyable for the students. The lessons must value-add the students. At the end of the course, the students should be able to acquire certain skills. At the end of the day, no student is going to really remember everything that was being taught during the lesson, but a skill is going to be with them for a much longer period of time.

I'm under the influence of one of my lecturers this sem. Haha. I've already thought of what to write in the students' feedback at the end of the semester.

I think the lecturers get to read what the students wrote. This means, quekie read what I wrote for him last time? Argh. He must be quite surprised to know that he had made much difference to a student.

The semester is coming to an end. My friend counted 52 days (or is it 62?) to the end of the semester. Argh. It's a mixed feeling of both happiness and sadness. It sounds contradicting. Haha. And I suddenly recall how much I disliked the school in the beginning. After three semesters, it suddenly seemed ok. Then after another two semesters, I began to like the place. In fact, the place remains the same all the while. It's the people there which makes a difference. You feel warmth in your heart when you're at a certain place, not because the place generates the warmth. It is the people there which make the place warm, and make you feel heart-warming.

I remember one day in week 0 when I was in first year, because I didn't take part in orientation, I was having lunch with my teacher. It was like some inofficial farewell. Haha, and he talked a lot. I remember he said something like "you'll start off in nus being a nobody. you don't know people there, you aren't familiar with the environment. whatever achievements you had, nobody knows. you won't get any attention in the beginning. it's like pressing a restart button. whatever you get at the end of the four years depends on yourself." I remember this because it sounded scary when I heard it.

While I was thinking of what to say in the video clips, I thought of what he told me. During the actual recording, my supervisor was around. He said something which made me thought that I was indeed fortunate these four years. But the real fortune was having a teacher in jc who taught me the techniques to survive.

Not every decision I made within these four years was right. There were wrong decisions which made me fall flat on my face. But then, it was also these mistakes which springed me up to greater heights. It's like when two person are unhappy over a misunderstanding, when one day the misunderstanding clears, the two may end up being closer than before. Of course, when one meets a failure head on, one may not have the courage to stand up again, in fear that he/she may have to fall again sooner or later. But somehow, under the influence of my teacher, I actually acquire the mindset that letting oneself sink into depression and let something remain in the state of a failure is one of the most foolish act.

With one exception. I'll let it remain as it is. I can't afford to risk the well-being of my pillar of support. After dwelling in it for a few years, I thought, maybe under certain circumstances, one has to accept failure. :)

Time to revise my PDE.