Went to see my supervisor for a debriefing session. Haha. It took one hour. So imagine if it was held during my interview, it means the whole thing will take three hours. *bish*

I'm beginning to feel relieved that everything is over. Just some corrections to be made. Some of which are non-trivial though. Haha. But I guess I really felt much better after talking to my sup. I think he's the best person to tell me whether I've done well or not. And like what my examiner had pointed out, I have lots of trust in my supervisor. :)

Two hours. More than ten questions. No hint. There were some guidelines though. Maybe the red packet my mum gave me that morning really helped in bringing luck to me. Haha. She gave me a red packet coz the daily horoscope said I would have bad luck that day. Indeed, I feel really fortunate to have people around me, who are willing to do everything, just to make sure I can step out of the conference room after interview without any regret. And every talk, I've friends who made great effort to turn up. Although some of them weren't able to make it for my final talk, but, I thought I sensed their presence during my presentation. I think I receive more smses to wish me luck on that day, as compared to birthday greetings on my birthdays.

Anyway, I think my junior (my supervisor's new honours student next academic year) is going to do periodic wavelets again. Something to do with pde, I think. According to my sup, he waited five years before he finally proposed my project on uncertainty principles. Five years for him to publish enough papers on the topic. And I think this is indeed the right project for me. It is right in the middle of pure and applied maths. Luckily he waited five years, nothing more, nothing less.

Now it's time to do my corrections. :)

pde test is finally over.

After all the torture had handed, all I felt like doing was to let out a really long sigh. Haha. This is so anti-climax. But sometimes, I really wonder why am I working so hard for things which may not even matter a lot eventually. It's like self torture, in a sense. It seems that there's this somebody in me who seems to be telling me "hey, you can't give up".

Anyway, I'm glad this HYP business is finally over. Unless I'm so unlucky to attend a second interview. Hope not. I wanna return all my analysis books to the library. I've a feeling my table gonna collapse under the weight. So the next thing is, the exams. My undergraduate life gonna end in less than a month's time. Then follow by graduate life.

I wonder, what will things become when all my friends graduate, and I'm like the only one left. It's quite a scary thought. Haha. I'm quite weak afterall. Yes, anyway, I think, I really appreciate the support I've gotten from my friends this year. The support is quite unexpected sometimes. Maybe that's why I feel touched. :)

Gonna dig out my approximation theory notes and do my tutorial. I've put them aside for more than a week. There's this somebody inside me, telling me to do well in my exams. Haha. This somebody has been guarding and guiding me these few years, it's the logical and rational part of me. Without it, I might not have survived until now.

I do get tired sometimes. But I always tell myself: when I achieve what I want, all these tiredness are worth it.

Countdown: 26 days to the end of my exams. :)

This post gonna be short, coz I need to rush off to revise for my pde test tomorrow.

My interview and presentation are both over. I want to take this opportunity to thank all my family and friends for supporting me through this tough journey. :)

If I've the mood, I'll talk more after my pde test. :)

Can't wait for next week to be over.

Had a talk with my supervisor yesterday. It seems that I may be joining NIE in Janurary 2008 instead. Hoho. That means when I finally join the workforce, it's 2009. Anyway, stella is checking out on the dates and stuff. Hope she's efficient. As efficient as when she decided to bar us from entering the library.

Ever since that incident, some of my friends and myself are a bit reluctant of entering the library. Haha. It's just a feeling we get upon entering the room.

Yes anyway, I had a good chat with my supervisor yesterday. He is demanding at times, but then, I always think that I've chosen the right supervisor. Haha, coz I'm a demanding person just as well. Demanding as in, I've high expectations for myself. And probably if I ever have to supervise any student next time, I'll set high expectations for him as well.

Sometimes, I think I've the words "I wanna be the best" written on my face. Especially when the whole class, including the lecturer, turned to look at me when the lecturer said something like "I believe someone will be unhappy if I give everyone an A, if everyone gets an A, nobody is the best." Haha. I think I won't mind what other people get, as long as I've my A. But I guess it's rather comforting that although most of my friends know I'm aiming for something high, it doesn't really put them off.

I remember in the past, I heard of friends shunning the very academically inclined students, because they felt stressed by their presences. Maybe we've all matured, which is certainly a good thing. People all have different talents, but at the end of the day, we're all just humans, who need friends and wanna be cared for.

Yesterday, xiujuan and I were talking bout the graduation trip to genting. And we were thinking of psycho-ing so-and-so to go. Haha. I guess when it comes to such issues, it really reflects who are the people whom you're most comfortable with. Also when it comes to sharing of one's happiness or sadness, one will automatically think of the people who he/she is close to. Such things are like reflex actions, you can't lie to yourself.

Just like people like to ask "if I throw so and so into the sea, who will you save first?". Haha. Just trying throwing all of them into the sea, and you'll see who the person saves. Because it is this action that truly reflects who he wanna save first. Haha. Of course, I can't swim, so I can't save anyone.

Gonna go and study now. After the pde test, gonna rush out the report on subdivisions. After which, revise for exams. Gonna start on my masters thesis in May. Haha. Maybe for this holidays, I can finally afford to read all those Chinese novels which my dad bought for me. And maybe attempt to do the 2000 pieces puzzle which my brother got for me years ago. 2000 is such an intimidating number. If I have time, I'll go and brush up my photoshop skills. For now, I'll concentrate on studying. :)

Spent the whole day out at suntec yesterday. It was an enjoyable day. Haha. But probably from now till the end of my exams, I'll be busy with this and that. I'll probably go nowhere except school, my tuition kid's house, and maybe crystal jade when my mum doesn't feel like cooking. When is the last time I'm out shopping for clothes! I'll make sure I change my wardrobe after exams. Provided I've the money of course. :)

Watched Shaggy dog yesterday. And I was hugging him throughout the movie:



Haha. What a handsome guy right!

And now I've these three lovely creatures in my room:



Hoho. I think they're like the best presents on earth. They're like so rare in singapore. Even in hong kong, I didn't see many doraemons soft toys around. But there're stationaries, collectibles and stuff.

Met up with my tkgs friends for dinner. Glad that we're still meeting up once every few months. Now that each of us is busy with her own work or school work, it's certainly not easy to get everyone together.

I was surprised to know that one of our classmate is now married with a son. The last time I met her and her husband (who was her boyfriend then) was during another classmate's 21st birthday party. That was like less than 2 years ago. Now she has a son bout 5-6 months old. !!!

I brought my camera along yesterday. Since I didn't take many photos, I'll just post everything up. Hoho. Most of the pics are in the birthday girl's camera of course. :)


From left to right: quirkii, hin and me



From left to right: ms pot, xf, quirkii, hin and me

me and the birthday girl

Haha, my mum said that you girls have evolved into beautiful ladies. And she commented I still look kiddish. Coz only kids play with doraemons. Haha. And she sneaked into my room to play with them just now. Duh.

It's time for some serious mugging again. :)

The best piece of news I heard this week is that my supervisor is going to be away next friday. Which means, my talk and interview certainly won't be scheduled on that day. Phew. Of course, this means that it may be scheduled on the day when I'm supposed to have my PDE test. I guess these things can't be help sometimes.

Things do get stressful sometimes. But I recall the times when I had 4 tests all within a week; the times I had over 30 hours of lessons every week. Even the previous semester when I was supposed to be super slack, I had tests scheduled on the same day, when the week before I had to go for a driving test, and the week after I had to give my intro talk. So I told myself, I had been through something worse. PDE may be tough, but then, what can be worse than graph theory!

Academic stuff aside.

I think it's really courageous of a girl to declare to the guy she likes, her true feelings for him. Of course it's not easy for a guy to do so too. But for a girl to ask the guy to give her a chance, it takes lots of courage. Many of my friends are getting courageous these days. Although I myself won't do it, I see nothing wrong in my friends doing so. So if you think this guy is really good, I'll give you my support!

Most people don't believe I'm shy, because I asked questions in class. They don't think a student who waves to almost all her lecturers is shy. Furthermore, I've a lot of good friends who are guys. Hence my so-called outgoing personality gives people the impression that I too will have the courage for other things. Haha, you forgot I've double personalities. :)

Another item striked off my wish list. Haha. Thanks to my friend for the kind thought. Shall post the picture up when I've time.

I realized my post with the doraemi picture disappeared. Mmm. Nevermind, I can't quite recall what I wrote in the post as well. I'll put the pic up again someday.

I still welcome more doraemons. Haha. My friends were saying "hey, you've one liao. that means we can't get that for you for your birthday right?" It's ok! I won't mind to have my whole room packed with doraemons. Haha.

For the time being, I think I need to work hard to get the rest of the items on my wish list striked off. I'll add new items after that. :)

It is going to be quite a hectic week. Luckily, I've more or less completed the report on subdivisions, as far as the materials covered in the lectures are concerned. I'll probably add more stuff when I have time. My tuition kid is going to sit for her march common test next week. Have to spend more time with her. Haha. I'll see it as some disgrace if she fails her test. So I'm not going to let that happen. Her cooperation is needed, of course.

When I'm trying to squeeze time out to read through my thesis and think of what questions my examiner and supervisor gonna ask me, I've problem doing my tutorials, and I'm stuck for hours. I must be getting old. Brain not functioning as well as before. But luckily, this is the last semester already. Haha. And I keep telling myself, I don't have to excel in my masters year. I just have to produce reasonably good grades. Just that I myself think this is quite unlikely. After telling myself a million times I can afford not to do well for graph theory last semester, in the end, I still went to the library to borrow 3 books home and mug.

Nevertheless, I'm looking forward to this saturday. After the day, I'll up my gear. I remember when I was in year one, a friend told me not to push myself too hard right from the beginning, because that'll intimidate guys around me, and secondly, I'll probably be burn out before the most important stage. I don't think I really heed his advice. And my friend is the kind who actually pushed himself harder than I do, when it comes to academic stuff.

We told our friends to relax, because we didn't want to see our friends feeling stressed. But at the same time, we know that we've to keep pushing ourselves in order for ourselves to improve. Of course, I don't expect my friends to comprehend what I am thinking and understand the problems I face. More importantly, my friends know I care for them, and they care for me in return.

Yeo Sze Ling, one of the few female names on the board outside the math department library. She was the top student in her cohort. Many many times, I hoped to be like her. Until today, on the very same day which I logged on to register my attendance for the coming commencement in July, I heard from a friend that she is blind.

I wonder, how does a visually handicapped person study maths. Not say, be the top student in maths. As I read through the article, I felt touched by the effort she put in and her strong determination. If I claim to have faced numerous setbacks to gain whatever positions and achievements I have, she must have encountered problems much worse. She struggled, but she made her way to the top. When people who are hundred times more fortunate than her complain bout life, she remains optimistic and thinks life has been good to her.

I always believe, there're hardships behind every success. But her story is like a fairy tale, and although I have never seen her, I felt proud to have her as a senior. :)

I've heard lots of romance stories lately. Haha. I'm secretly happy that my friends are willing to share them with me, especially when they claimed "hey, I only told so and so. make sure you keep your big mouth shut." The thing is, they still keep me informed nonetheless. Haha, I just wanna say, I'm happy that you guys are happy now. As for the troubled ones right now, I hope one day things will turn out well.

Haha, I remember friends used to ask me if I'll inform them if I ever get attached one day. I'll tell my close friends. And if anyone asks me, I won't deny. Haha, I'll not broadcast it though. And if you ever see me wearing a ring on my hand, then you can just ask for his photo straight away.

At this age, I suddenly see a lot of my friends getting attached, and a lot hoping to get attached. Yes yes, I know this is natural. And probably in 3-5 years time, I'll see a lot of them getting married, and I'll probably be attending a wedding dinner every month.

Remember the Johari window I mentioned last time? Here are the results.

Arena (known to self and others) cheerful, friendly, organised, sensible	Blind Spot (known only to others) able, caring, clever, confident, dependable, energetic, extroverted, happy, helpful, independent, intelligent, kind, knowledgeable, logical, loving, mature, modest, patient, powerful, reflective, searching, shy, silly, sympathetic, tense, trustworthy, warm, wise
Façade (known only to self) idealistic	Unknown (known to nobody) accepting, adaptable, bold, brave, calm, complex, dignified, giving, ingenious, introverted, nervous, observant, proud, quiet, relaxed, religious, responsive, self-assertive, self-conscious, sentimental, spontaneous, witty

All Percentages

able (14%) accepting (0%) adaptable (0%) bold (0%) brave (0%) calm (0%) caring (21%) cheerful (21%) clever (21%) complex (0%) confident (7%) dependable (14%) dignified (0%) energetic (7%) extroverted (7%) friendly (28%) giving (0%) happy (7%) helpful (35%) idealistic (0%) independent (28%) ingenious (0%) intelligent (50%) introverted (0%) kind (14%) knowledgeable (14%) logical (14%) loving (7%) mature (7%) modest (14%) nervous (0%) observant (0%) organised (35%) patient (21%) powerful (7%) proud (0%) quiet (0%) reflective (21%) relaxed (0%) religious (0%) responsive (0%) searching (7%) self-assertive (0%) self-conscious (0%) sensible (42%) sentimental (0%) shy (7%) silly (7%) spontaneous (0%) sympathetic (7%) tense (7%) trustworthy (42%) warm (21%) wise (7%) witty (0%)

miss pot thinks: intelligent, helpful, organised, independent, trustworthy, sensible.
qy thinks: sensible, patient, caring, trustworthy, organised.
xj thinks: intelligent, organised, mature, helpful, dependable, reflective.
BULL thinks: happy, friendly, tense, sympathetic, clever, kind.
Charis thinks: reflective, intelligent, trustworthy, helpful, cheerful.
sookmay thinks: caring, clever, warm, trustworthy, sensible, patient.
xiaoyang thinks: intelligent, friendly, independent, logical, sensible, reflective.
wen thinks: searching, logical, intelligent, helpful, extroverted, powerful.
Alex Ang thinks: able, clever, confident, dependable, organised, trustworthy.
quirkii thinks: knowledgeable, helpful, sensible, patient, organised, modest.
kim thinks: cheerful, friendly, loving, independent, kind, warm.
grace thinks: independent, knowledgeable, intelligent, modest, wise, sensible.
edna thinks: caring, trustworthy, friendly, silly, warm.
wayne CWQ thinks: energetic, cheerful, able, intelligent, shy.

I don't know how I can analyse the result. But I'm glad to see a balance of good traits of the mind and the heart. Haha, though I still think it's not quite possible to describe a person's personality by merely 6 words.

Thanks to all who tried it. Haha. And if you've a minute to spare, try this: http://kevan.org/nohari?name=ljiawen

Now that I can take a break from latex-ing, I actually miss the process of correcting and typing my thesis. Haha. It was something I had been doing almost everyday for the past few weeks and I've already gotten used to it. So when I've to do things which differ from the routine, I'm not used to it.

Seriously, there're a lot of work to catch up on. For instance, I've not yet figured out the stuff on subdivision, not say generate a report out of it. I have not read my approximation lecture notes for at least two weeks, though surprisingly, I still managed to do the tutorial. Haha, this shows its relevance to the lecture materials. And of course, for PDE, I realize I don't appreciate it as much as I appreciated ODE last time. ODE was one of the few math courses which made me feel that I've actually matured in mathematics. It wasn't one of those modules which I obtained my grade by smoking my way through. There were lots of calculations, but at the same time, the proofs were rather demanding as well. I remember the days when I went to look for Chua for consultation every two weeks or so. But at the end of it, I felt I've benefited from it all. It was a hard time, I admit, but at least, I felt I've learnt something.

PDE is just the opposite.

Most students don't like teachers who are demanding. Haha. I think my students gonna hate me next time. Though the teachers I like are of great variance, but those whom I most respect are the demanding ones. Of course, they must be willing to help when I approach them. To me, it is not enough for a teacher just to make the lessons enjoyable for the students. The lessons must value-add the students. At the end of the course, the students should be able to acquire certain skills. At the end of the day, no student is going to really remember everything that was being taught during the lesson, but a skill is going to be with them for a much longer period of time.

I'm under the influence of one of my lecturers this sem. Haha. I've already thought of what to write in the students' feedback at the end of the semester.

I think the lecturers get to read what the students wrote. This means, quekie read what I wrote for him last time? Argh. He must be quite surprised to know that he had made much difference to a student.

The semester is coming to an end. My friend counted 52 days (or is it 62?) to the end of the semester. Argh. It's a mixed feeling of both happiness and sadness. It sounds contradicting. Haha. And I suddenly recall how much I disliked the school in the beginning. After three semesters, it suddenly seemed ok. Then after another two semesters, I began to like the place. In fact, the place remains the same all the while. It's the people there which makes a difference. You feel warmth in your heart when you're at a certain place, not because the place generates the warmth. It is the people there which make the place warm, and make you feel heart-warming.

I remember one day in week 0 when I was in first year, because I didn't take part in orientation, I was having lunch with my teacher. It was like some inofficial farewell. Haha, and he talked a lot. I remember he said something like "you'll start off in nus being a nobody. you don't know people there, you aren't familiar with the environment. whatever achievements you had, nobody knows. you won't get any attention in the beginning. it's like pressing a restart button. whatever you get at the end of the four years depends on yourself." I remember this because it sounded scary when I heard it.

While I was thinking of what to say in the video clips, I thought of what he told me. During the actual recording, my supervisor was around. He said something which made me thought that I was indeed fortunate these four years. But the real fortune was having a teacher in jc who taught me the techniques to survive.

Not every decision I made within these four years was right. There were wrong decisions which made me fall flat on my face. But then, it was also these mistakes which springed me up to greater heights. It's like when two person are unhappy over a misunderstanding, when one day the misunderstanding clears, the two may end up being closer than before. Of course, when one meets a failure head on, one may not have the courage to stand up again, in fear that he/she may have to fall again sooner or later. But somehow, under the influence of my teacher, I actually acquire the mindset that letting oneself sink into depression and let something remain in the state of a failure is one of the most foolish act.

With one exception. I'll let it remain as it is. I can't afford to risk the well-being of my pillar of support. After dwelling in it for a few years, I thought, maybe under certain circumstances, one has to accept failure. :)

Time to revise my PDE.