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ljiawen @blogspot.com ♥
Sunday, September 11, 2005

At last,

I cried, while watching the last five episodes of the drama. Five episodes, cried six times. Broke record. But I guess this doesn't come as a surprise to those who knew I cried while watching lilo and stitch and treasure planet. Haha. I'm not ashame that I cried, even when the tears weren't shed for some very good reasons. I cry because I'm touched.

I remember I asked my teacher "how can I improve my maths?" and he answered "don't know, but it may be possible to reach greater heights if you're more rational and less emotional." And I never tried controlling my emotions until my third year in NUS. Now, I'll smile and wave in school almost all the time when I'm not having lesson. It isn't bout wearing a mask and hiding my emotions. Rather, it's more of putting emotions aside and concentrating on my work. By smiling and waving, it makes me a happier person. Though the whole idea about waving and smiling sounds a bit insane, but I guess, people are always glad to see others smiling or waving at them. Especially in an environment where everybody seems to be engross with his/her own work.

Few weeks ago, I was a bit disturbed by the fact that nobody knows I'm stressed. And I began to think my friends don't understand me, they don't show me care and concern etc. The more I thought about this, the more upset I got. But once I retreated to the position of an outsider, I realized it's me who doesn't want others to see me stressed. I'm always smiling, because that is what I think that's going to keep myself happy. Others don't see my stress, because they're very stressed themselves, and to them, I've every reason to be happy. Eventually, I feel better. And I tried playing a part in bringing laughter to my friends. And I hope, my concern for some of them did make them feel slightly better at the end of the day.

But I know, this year and the next in nus is going to be tough. There may be a day when I'll start feeling stressed again. I hope the above paragraph will serve as a reminder for next time, that I should withdraw from my position and look at problems from another perspective.

On a lighter note, I'm now 99.99% sure that the econs guy was my ex classmate. Unless he has a look alike who is also a left hander in the same class of less than 200 people, majority of which are girls. I found out from his sister that he is taking the module. Haha. I'm quite resourceful afterall. :) The sister had been taking modules in science as cross fac all the while. But I never get to see her. Erm. Maybe I need to start roaming the canteen more often. Because I stay in the honours room too often, my social circle now consists of only math honours students. But I must admit, my math major friends really brightened up my days in the past few weeks.


The DIVA ♥