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ljiawen @blogspot.com ♥
Friday, August 19, 2005

Decided to switch back to the original template. "Homework, Exams, Stress" doesn't quite fit my image. :)

When I used to like this guy last time, whenever my friends said something like "oh I saw him in the canteen just now, he's eating with a girl", my heart would sink. I knew I was unhappy. But all I did was to let myself feel upset for the rest of the day. Now that I've a clear mind to analyse this situation, I realized how foolish I used to be. The sadness was purely due to jealousy. I was jealous because I knew no matter how hard I'm going to try, how nice I'm going to be, he'll never eat with me. I knew this deep in my heart, but I didn't wake myself up from the nightmare of self torture. Because I didn't want to admit. I didn't want to let go, because I thought maybe by trying a bit harder, miracle will happen.

Obviously, that miracle remains as a miracle all the while.

Even after I've decided to let go, I still make occasional comparisons of how he treats other girls and how he treats me. In some sense, this may be because I haven't let go completely. To think of this slightly more positively, it's because I want to convince myself that letting go was indeed a wise decision. To be real optimistic bout the whole situation, I'll say, perhaps it's good that he never attempt to be nicer to me, so that I never have to regret.

Is this considered a confession? :)

Haha. I know this isn't the kind of confession people want from me. At least, when people asked me whether I had made any confession before, they weren't referring to this kind of confession. Haha. Even though I like to enthusiastically wave to my lecturers, it doesn't mean I'm the kind who will confess. Some people are friendly, but they may not be open with their feelings.

Having said so much, maybe I should "confess" that I'm beginning to like my graph theory lecturer. Though I still think that he had spoken to us in Tamil language when he was explaining the proof of menger's theorem last lesson. Anyway, I just feel that he's a nice man. I'll be nicer to him.

The DIVA ♥