Now that I've filed the project related stuff properly, I feel slightly more motivated to continue with the tedious and hard-to-comprehend proof. Some proofs are just tedious, while others are just hard-to-comprehend, but the one I'm doing now has got both elements. I've no choice but to take out my good old buddy- Lebesgue Integration notes. It was something I read everyday in the past one semester.

I feel, I have not taken enough math modules. My knowledge is just the tip of an iceberg. Or less than that. Though I had kind of enjoyed the modules outside my major, but sometimes, I wish I can take more math modules. I think I'm not sufficiently trained in the area. I know I can make up for the loss through self study. But I'm the kind of students who needs teachers. I need someone to explain it once to me. Once is enough.

So, if I manage to survive my honours year, that is, I don't get too frustrated over my project, I'll move on to masters. I know I'll probably not survive very well in my masters year, but somehow, I just think that it'll be good to go through this stage in life, even if it's going to be quite a struggle. It's some kind of personal satisfaction. But I'm quite sure I won't go on to phd. I'll probably not go on to pursue it even after I've served my bond. My love in the subject isn't strong enough to take me through another four years.

With the additional year of masters, I'll need another three years before I graduate from NIE. Which means, I'm only half way through. And it seems like some endless path. By the time I stepped out of NIE, I'll be 25. By the time I finished serving my bond, I'll be either 28 or 29.

After the incident last night, when my mum suddenly fell ill, I realized

• my parents are getting old, I need to take on a greater responsibility at home, which includes getting a driving license asap
• if I'm living alone next time, I'll have to employ a maid or something, so that there'll be someone else at home. So that if anything happens to me, somebody will know.
• it isn't my nature to call for help.

I fear rejection. I'll only seek help from someone, unless I'm sure he/she won't reject.

Rather unusual of me to have two posts on the same day.

At last, after months of hunting for a pencil case, I finally bought one. It was one of the few pencil cases which I came across after I thought of getting a new one. So it's like going round in big circles, then back at square one again. I see this pencil case quite often, but I never thought of getting it. I must be bewitched today. Haha.



In addition, I finally bought a box to store my cards. Now I no need to worry that my cards will fall out whenever I open my cupboard door.






All thanks to caizuan, who accompanied me the whole afternoon. So glad that I actually get to see her thrice this holidays. :)

Somehow, I got to meet quite a number of people in school yesterday. Should I call it fate or coincidence? I can't quite distinguish the two actually. Haha. Saw terence chiew (the ex-tjc physics tutor) and weida at the bus-stop; xiujuan at the library; this SEP student from holland by name of canan. And of course, sauwai (who I had to collect the library book from), my supervisor (to discuss my project) and ruizhen (who we had earlier arranged to meet up for dinner).

This doesn't sound like a long list. But taking into consideration that it's still vacation and I met all these people in the same afternoon, it's pretty amazing.

Before I slept last night, after hearing so much bout relationships these two days, I began to recall certain incidents. And I thought, things are so much better now, as compared to one-two years ago. At least, I feel wide awake. I know what I'm doing. My brain is working fine. I know what's happening around me. For a period of time, this wasn't the case. Luckily I've put an end to that miserable period of time.

I'm treasuring what I've now. Because by not doing so, I'm just as bad as the person who didn't appreciate me.

[What Do I Think About YOU]

1. Reply with your name (tag, msn, sms or email) and I will write something I like about you.
2. I will then tell what song/movie/icon reminds me of you.
3. If I were to apply an o'clock to you, it would be
4. I will try to name a single word that best describes you.
5. I'll tell you the most memorable moment I've had with you.
6. I will tell you what animal you remind me of.
7. I'll then tell you something that I've always wondered about you.
8. Put this in your journal

I went back to my alma mater for visit. I do that at the end of every holidays. Haha. According to some of the maths teachers, I've put on weight AGAIN. My skirt is getting shorter. My heels are getting higher. This is a good sign. At least, they remember who I am and how I looked like the previous time I went back. Ha, this sounds really optimistic.

Still, it's rather comforting to know that teachers who never taught me still remember my name, my batch, my class, and the fact that I was kwan's student.

Yet again, they asked whether I've found a boyfriend. And yet again, the answer is no. Haha. I guess after looking at the survey results on what their students look out for when choosing his/her spouse (or is it girlfriend/boyfriend?), it'll be quite natural that I'm still single. But I guess there's no use feeling too upset or depressed or whatsoever over this fact anyway. I still believe in finding someone with a good heart and personality. Someone with confidence. Someone who doesn't get intimidated. :) Such guys do exist ok. Just that, they may not like me. Haha.

I forgot to take a picture of my buddy KB.

Do you remember this statue? It used to be standing alone, without the fountain.



I gonna be in school again tomorrow. And I'll see CZ on friday. Tuition on Sunday. And then my last week of school holidays.

Finally, there're 10 people bidding for Matrix Computation. Yay. Hope there'll be more bidders for this module. Currently, 25 people bidded for Graph Theory I. I hope it'll go up to 30. Things are no longer the same as those level 1000 and 2000 modules, when you've hundreds of students together in a LT. In a small class, people tend to recognize each other. Just that, normally, nobody will start the ball rolling and get to know the other party.

Attended the Dean's Welcome Tea yesterday. Before that, seventeen of us had to meet up with the Dean, assistant Deans and guests in the Dean's Office. We were speechless in front of the guests. So after one round of self introduction, we let the Dean and guests did all the talking. Though the morning wasn't what I'll call an enjoyable one, I guess, it's still a moment in life which I should feel proud of. At least, after three years, I finally met the Dean.



I've finally changed the song. By the way, I've to clarify that I haven't found prince charming. It's being striked off coz I gave up finding one. I want shrek instead. Haha. This is lame. But I guess, somehow, I just want it to reflect the fact that I'm looking for guy with good heart, rather than someone with good looks. :)

Got myself confused with the induction I was trying to do. Gonna check through everything again tomorrow. There're lots of tedious workings in the project. A test of patience. Another nine months to the submission of the project. Counting down.

Went for the guitar concert at ACJC last night. According to rebecca, there had been a lot of changes since she left 3.5 years ago. Who knows what would have happened in another 3.5 years time. Maybe she'll be married with a kid by then. I've this strong sixth sense that she'll be married within 2-3 years time. My 6th sense. It's getting more and more accurate nowadays. I took one try each to guess a friend's birthday and another friend's secondary school.

Censored another two paragraphs again. Stuff which I don't feel like letting everyone know. I still feel a bit disturbed whenever I think of it. Perhaps, that's the price I've to pay for making a mistake. At least, everything looks good on the surface.

I recalled during the days we worked during commencement, whenever xiujuan and I had to cross the road to get to the opposite bus stop to take bus 96, we had to go up this grass patch which is kind of steep. Everytime, my friend would go up the 'slope', helped me up, walked down and helped me down. This series of action came naturally from her.

She's certainly not the only person whom I had offered help in studies. But she's certainly one of the few who will bother to look back to see if I need a helping hand to get up the slope. I remember sauwai holding on to me when I was about to fall down on bus 95 in year one sem one. I remember her rushing back to check whether I left my matric card behind after I told her I lost it. Ya know, not everyone can make her run up the stairs. I remember another friend who helped to go back to the room to get back the card when he was supposed to be at another place waiting for his exam to start. I remember my senior helping me in every way during his last semester in school. I remember in jc, when my friend and I and many others were standing under the sun, he told me to stand inside his shadow. I remember kwan always offering me umbrellas, because he's scared I'll fall sick. The list goes on. Can't possibly list everything here. More importantly, I remember them.

I'll need to be nicer to ones who are nice to me.

Some people, no matter how important they once were, are meant to be forgotten. These people probably don't care whether I remember them or not.

Finally back from two days of workshop. I was like the youngest kiddo down there. Haha. I don't think I understood much.

Met my direct senior at the talk. Direct in the sense we're both under the same supervisor for our projects. Ya know, the one who gave the intimidating intro talk on wavelets. The one who seemed to understand everything during complex analysis two. lol. Apparently, he has gathered quite a bit of information bout me before this. But I'm sure is only by talking to me that he found out I'm not as introverted as what he thought. I'm talkative. I look at guys. I go shopping. I don't talk bout maths when I go out with friends. All beyond his expectations.

I thought he's quiet too. But as smart as what I thought.

Our supervisor is probably shocked to find the two of us gossipping so much.

I've to attend the dean's welcome tea next monday. Another consultation with supervisor next thursday. Sigh. School's starting soon. Round 0 of bidding starts tomorrow. I need one more breadth. Should I take graph theory I?

Finally, a friend is taking matrix computation. I don't have to be alone in class anymore. Now at least there's going to be a familiar face. :)

Suddenly my pain is gone. Pictures of good looking people are good pain relievers too. Haha. Commencement is such a joyous occasion. You see everybody smiling so sweetly. :)

I think I'm more or less ready to meet my supervisor tomorrow. Gonna see him for the whole day. Have to attend his talk in the afternoon as well. Tuesday too. Then I'll have tuition on thursday. Guitar concert on Friday. Wednesday is mum's birthday. Shall stay at home and be a good girl. Graduate marshals gathering next monday. So people, if you wanna meet me again before the start of the new semester, take note of the above dates. I'll be free on other days (for the time being).

With some of my seniors in nus, we never spoke to each other in class. When we were in good mood, we would acknowledge each other's presence by smiling and nodding slightly. Otherwise, we walked past each other as if we were complete strangers. Now, we're finally talking to each other. But they've already graduated. It's like a bit too late, in a sense. If not because I was working during the ceremonies, and got used to chanting "hi", "congrats" etc. to every graduate I see, we may not even be talking to each other now. Better late than never. :)

Time to put commencement behind and start looking forward to the new semester ahead. People, do you all have any breadth module to recommend? Something that's easy to pass. Coz I'll be using s/u option. Preferably, no project. Since I'm opting for s/u, I wanna slack. But I don't wanna my slackness to affect the overall performance of my group members. And the worst senario is me, the only one opting for s/u, yet doing the most work.

My new toy. Mum bought for me in Hong Kong. New member on my bed.

Frustrated. The next time I watch a vcd, I'll test both cds before watching. I watched half of the show, only to find out that the second cd is spoilt. Can't do anything bout it. I decided to watch it because of my frustration over my toothache and project. Ended up being more frustrated than before.

I slept a lot these two days. Was deprived of sleep on days when I had commencement duties. If I knew my project is so time demanding, I wouldn't have went for the job interview in May. Now that the ceremonies are over, it's too late to talk bout regrets or whatsoever. For today and tomorrow, I gonna stay at home and work on my project, to make up for all the time I had lost.

Three more weeks of holidays. Yet to learn latex. Yet to decide on what modules to take next semester. Should I take graph theory? Or give it a miss and take three level 4000 modules in my last semester? AODE is not going to be offered in semester 2. Darn. Does this mean I have to take PDE instead? Somehow, somewhat, my plans are screwed up. After years of module planning, I've learnt not to plan too far ahead, and accept the fact that things seldom go according to the original plan. But it's important to put in my best effort in whatever modules I'm taking.

Panadol is a good pain reliever.

One year has past. Made a lot of new friends in school this year. Did I change? Maybe. I smiled more, didn't I? :)

Now uploading photos of my fellowing graduate marshals. The camera is coming into good use recently. Commencement photos are ready for viewing. People who were in the photos, you'll receive an email with the link soon.




I guess these few days, having to work till late hours, plus not having my parents at home, was really a different experience from my usual life in the past 22 years. Housework, tuition, commencement ceremonies, project etc., are too much for me to balance. I thought I would be afraid of dark when I was all alone at home. But I wasn't, because I was too tired for anything beyond my workload.

When I reached home last night, watched tv, called my mum, checked my email, washed my face, brushed my teeth, I thought I should just lie on my bed for a while to rest my feet. When I woke up, it was already 9.30am this morning. Then I had to clean up my house, before my parents come home this evening. Luckily I get to postpone my appointment with my supervisor, or else I would have been dead by now.

Although these few days have been rather tough in a sense, the experience was worth all the effort. I've attended eleven commencement ceremonies before my actual one next year. Even though I know none of my team mates reads my blog, I still wanna thank them for all the help and laughter they had given me these few days.

I better take a nap before I make my way to the airport. Deprived of sleep nowadays.

I'll post pictures taken at NUS Commencement 2005 sometime next week. Lazy and tired to upload them now. I guess the seventy two bucks I earned yesterday was the hardest seventy two bucks I had ever earned. Imagine wearing 3 inches cloak shoes for sixteen consecutive hours, out of which more than ten hours were spent standing. And repeating "may I have your attendance card, please", "congrats", "this way, please" over and over again, at the same time, smiling.

Went back to take photos with my friends today, though I was off duty. I must say, the guys do look good when they're in long sleeve shirt, pants and leather shoes. With the academic dress on, they looked smart today. When I showed mum the photos, she thought one of them looks like louis koo (gu tian le). (Though she took back her words when I enlarged the photos for her to see on the computer.) I guess after today, whenever we look at science faculty guys, we'll just look at their faces and imagine they're in formal attire. And we'll certainly feel less enthusiastic of going to biz ad for breadth modules.

I'll comment more when I post the photos. Wait till I edit some of the photos, as requested by some of my friends.

It's a good feeling to see everybody so happy today. As I was shaking my good friends' hands, hugging them for the very last time in school, the feeling was a mixture of sadness and happiness. Happy that they've finally graduated, and ready to move on to new phase of their lives. Sad because I'll miss their presence in school next year. I think, I've been too used to seeing some of their faces in school, such that I've taken their presence for granted.

Though I was really tired today, but I felt the trip to UCC was worth it. Somehow, I was just touched by the whole atmosphere.

Thanks to all friends who took photos with me. Thanks to people (in particular, xj and sw) for helping to take photos of me and those handsome guys. Haha. I hope they aren't cursing me now for not introducing the guys to them, though they said they aren't interested in knowing them earlier on (who knows maybe they changed their minds after a few more looks of them). Thanks to friends who introduced their parents to me, in particular those who mentioned my name often at home (as claimed by the mothers). Thanks for giving your family members a good impression of me.

This was intended to be a short entry. Erm. I'll go and take a nap now.

My eyes are going to close any moment. Tired from yesterday's project discussion, as well as today's commencement training. Shall be going out again later. Haha. Suddenly my schedule seems so packed with activities. Shall go and book my driving test again tomorrow. Then I'll rest. On friday, I'll be working from 8am to 9.30pm. Same for sunday, and next tuesday, thursday. THEN, I'll meet my supervisor again next friday. I better complete my proofs on days when I'm off commencement duties. Hopefully I'll double my efficiency, since I'm in hurry and my parents are away.

I better go and take a nap now. I slept at 1am this morning. Was on msn till 12am. Then attempted to draw something on a birthday card, and realized how horrible my drawing is. I'll not attempt to draw anything other than Doraemon's head for the time being. And I realized my handwriting has turned ugly over the years.

Yawn.

Thanks to all who had wished me good luck for my driving test. But then, you guys got to wish me luck *again* next month, because I failed. Haha. Laughter in a depressed tone. But anyway, I'm going to try again. So xiaoyang, regarding our trip to jurong birdpark, we've to postpone it to next holidays. For those who are waiting for my free rides next sem, sigh, you have to wait another few months. And poor zhiwei, he gonna continue to give me rides. I'll continue to haunt him.

I guess there's no way I can hide the fact that I'm depressed. But no matter what, life carries on. I gonna meet my supervisor for project discussion tomorrow. So tonight, I gonna sit down and recall what I had done last week, in order to make the discussion tomorrow meaningful. And when I start work for commencement, I'll still smile to the guests and graduates. Probably by the time all the commencement ceremonies are over, I'll no longer be depressed. After commencement, I gonna start tuition, and attend more driving lessons. And work on my project again. Everything carries on. I just can't stop because of someone or some event which has happened. I've other responsibilities.

Next time, I must pass. (I'll keep saying this, until the day I really passed my test)

Thanks to the people who consoled. You know who you are. Haha. Don't worry, I'm not going to remain in this depression state for more than three days.

Next time, I must wear the blouse I wore during my lebesgue integration exam.

Currently reading Detective School Q (探偵学園Q). I thought I better start reading these comics and return them to my friend because the books start to collect dust under my table. Hehe. Enjoy myself before I start work again. And to relax my mind, stop thinking bout the coming driving test. I don't know how to write book reviews. All I can say is, I'm reading the third book right now, and I've enjoyed the first two books. Its plots are captivating. Though I must say, it kind of lose out to Detective Conan because the lead character isn't all that attractive.

Let me show you the lead of Detective Conan


Now, you must be thinking I find conan cute because he wears black specs. ok, I don't totally deny this. But minus this, he still has got more charisma. Partially because, he's smarter. In Detective Conan, it's more of Conan running an one-man show. Wheras in Detective School Q, they work as a team. Anyway, if you have time, just read both.

Above pictures from Anime News Network

Blogs are popular among teenagers nowadays. I came across a few secondary school students' blogs by continuously clicking on "next blog" on the top right hand corner, and each of them has this long list of links, which I assume are blogs of their friends, who I assume are around that age. Lots of assumption, but I think I'm right. Just for your information, the girl who made this forever friends template is only 14. She has created lots of other templates. It's kind of impressive (to me, at least) that someone who is eight years younger than me can do something which I can't.

It has been quite some time since I watched a documentary. It's on gifted students in Hong Kong and the difficulties they face in their studies. Parents and teachers of such students were being interviewed, as well as psychologist, who presented such problems in a more factual manner. People thinks that gifted students are blessed with great intelligence, hence the problems they face are being neglected by outsiders and hardly any help is given. Gifted students tend to get impatient and emotional rather easily. They'll often stick to what they think is correct, hence, it'll be rather difficult to convince them otherwise. Frustration comes in in occasions when they strongly feel that they can do something, but results turn out otherwise. Parents find them hard to discipline, because such children aren't all that obedient afterall. One mother was so depressed because of her two gifted children that she almost wanted to commit suicide. These students themselves find life miserable sometimes, because nobody understands how they feel. When it comes to studies, they find routine school work boring. To them, education should be about them learning what they want to learn, with external help and advice given when needed, and not schools spoon-feeding them with information and making them follow the syllabus all the time. To them, their own decision making is important. They enjoy the company of people who are around their own intelligence level, because only such people can understand how they feel.

Anyway, I found this very enlightening somehow. Too bad I missed the first half of the show.